They say home is where the heart is. If that’s true, it’s no wonder I feel like I have homes all over the place. There’s my parents’ home in California. I’ve never actually lived there, but your family’s house is always home. Then there’s Tennessee, of course. Elisa’s house is like my vacation home. And camp is kind of my summer home.
But when people ask where I’m from, I’m starting to say Michigan. I’m driving to this home today. My organized inner self is itching to unpack. Oh to have a closet and dresser drawers! I’ve only been living out of a suitcase for 3 ½ months.
I think back to when I first made this drive, 355 days ago exactly. I stayed as long as I possibly could in Collegedale, and by the time I tore myself away, I was a wreck. I think I cried all the way to Nashville and tried to drown my sorrows in the bitter taste of CRUNK!!! I called as many friends as I could, just to make sure they still loved me. I listened to “The Wheel has Turned” by Aaron Roche on repeat at least 15 times, trying to accept that I would be okay going my own way.
Today is different. I leave as early as I can in the day so I can have time to catch up with Jamie when I get to Michigan. I listen to Switchfoot and N*SYNC and Mika, lots of happy sing-along music. I’m looking for my favorite landmarks along the way – the store that sells hundreds of lampposts and the giant yellow rocking chair big enough for Goliath's grandma. I think I’ll go to the beach tomorrow after I hear Dwight bring the word. Maybe I can pick some fruit on Sunday…I wonder if the blueberries are still in season. And peaches I bet!
As I cross the border into Michigan and start counting down the miles to Exit 15A, I am surprised to feel the same burst of excitement and anticipation that I get when I round the bend on 24 and see Chattanooga spread before me.
Why is this trip so different than it was a year ago? The friends I’ve left behind are only dearer to me now. There are still lots of unknowns up here, except now I know what it’s like to get frozen inside your own car.
I guess what’s different is that now I am coming to the place where I belong. In all my other homes, I will always be a visiting member of the family, but this is my spot. Not just because I pay rent and utilities here, but because this is where I have a purpose outside of my selfish need to love and be loved. This is where I chase my dream via a master’s. This is where I help students go do mission work. This is where I get paid to teach people how to talk and write.
I think I’ve been fighting belonging here. It hurts a little to have your heart in so many different places, and I didn’t want to invest in another. It seemed like to much work, too much risk.
But maybe a little heart stretching is good now and then.
WELCOME BAAAAAAACK! I tell you that this place just was not the same without you. I'm so glad that you're feeling more at home here and since that's the case: let us make the most of it and hang out. And next time, give me the heads up on the shirt we're going to wear. (It was almost embarrassing that we didn't look enough alike on Sabbath.)
I'm stoked for you that you are investing more of your heart there at Andrews. I'm sure it will be an awesome year. God bless!
Oh Amanda--I'm happy that you are happy where you are located. (I was going to end that last sentence with are--but then realized I'd be leaving a dangling participle on a comment to English teacher. That was almost embarrassing.)
Back to the point: Sometimes its frustrating that it takes us so long to get to where you are--but I guess that's where the joy (and the pain ) of the journey lies.
I miss you. I love you. Let's catch up sometime.
First of all, can I just say how proud of you I am for writing N*SYNC's name down correctly? And second of all, Amanda...I am really happy for you. These things are good for me to hear and remember as I prepare to leave this home and go to the next in a couple days.
I'm heading out on Friday. Let's talk sooner than that.
Just don't forget your home at Wawona. I resonated with the feelings you had as you left. I'm glad that you are enjoying your new "home." Keep me posted.
I remember when you left. I remember the CRUNK!!!®, because I gave it to you. I didn't know you listened to "the wheel has turned". my song for those moments is bob dylan "the times they are a changin'". you called me today, and somehow i missed it. dumb. we should talk. miss your guts. and face. and maybe your whole existence.
This is a GOOD BLOG. I have been feeling those same things for Southern for probably almost a month now. I loved where I was this summer, but there's something about home...
Okay I'm going to be random but I really love the picture of the closet. I wish I could have a closet like that someday.
And I really love that giant yellow rocking chair.
And right now I'm feeling a little reverse homesickness. Maybe I should write a blog about that, but in the meantime, I can relate to trying to figure out where to let yourself belong. I'm glad you are letting yourself be a Michiganer for awhile. And I'll also be really thankful for heaven because we can all belong at the same home. That will be really nice.
i agree with those feelings. home is a nice place when we finally allow ourselves to find our home. maybe one day again i can find my home too.