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Love begins in the middle of an ordinary tale.


Redirection: No Volvo for Me



This morning in the shower, I was thinking about the blog I would write if I didn’t get the ESL job at Southern. But before I mentally composed the first paragraph, I decided this was a silly waste of shower time. I can’t really know what that will feel like until it actually happens, I thought.

Well…I didn’t have to wait for long to find out. Right before I went to teach my morning class, I received a very nice email letting me know they had chosen someone else for the position. Someone who is much more qualified than me. I wasn’t that surprised; I’d known all along that the odds of this happening were pretty good. If I were in their position, I would have made the same decision. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed.

The emotional side of Amanda felt the same way I did when my heart got broken for the first time. Lunch was hard to swallow. The smiling cheerfulness of the people around me felt like lemon juice poured over a paper-cut. I spent the day counting down the minutes until my 7:30 pm class finally got over and I could retreat to my home, fill my tummy with comfort food (good thing I made that pie), and enter the blessed state called sleep, where pain and anxiety are temporarily numbed.

But the logical (and, luckily, dominant) side of Amanda knows that in the same way that two years’ hindsight showed me that getting married to the man who broke my heart would not have been the best plan, perhaps my future will eventually show me that working at Southern was not the best option for this time in my life either. People talk a lot about closed doors and God's will and stuff in times like this. And sometimes I wonder if they're just making themselves feel better. And maybe I am too...but I really do believe that God led in this situation. And is still leading.

So what is the best option for my life now? I don’t know. And that’s terrifying to me, because I panic without a plan. There were many things that made Southern seem like a wonderful plan – a good job description, fabulous friends, co-workers could double as mentors, a pleasant climate, and a community I already belong to and love. It would have been a nice story, but…maybe a bit predictable. Maybe it would have been easy to turn it into a story with limited adventure and limited growth. And I guess I’m not sure exactly what I want, but I think I do want those things.

(But if quality friends, respectable co-workers, nice weather, and a healthy community just happen to be in that story too…I won’t complain.)

Read More 10 comments | Posted by Miss Jehle edit post

10 comments

  1. Nicholas on January 28, 2010 at 12:05 AM

    Characters don't really choose to move. They have to be forced. How do you force them? You blow something up.

    Consider your plan blown up. Inciting incident?

     
  2. BrittanyK on January 28, 2010 at 12:47 PM

    Growth. Good. Faith building. Good. But can I just say that this is still stinks. Stinks bad. I'm praying for you. I miss you. And I love you.

     
  3. Ms.Hey on January 28, 2010 at 1:13 PM

    You're in my thoughts. What a bummer-let's talk tonight?

     
  4. Elisa on January 28, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  5. Elisa on January 28, 2010 at 8:02 PM

    I don't waste my shower time thinking about possible future scenarios (still working on that) but I think it is really funny that you analyze the usage of your pondering for those few minutes of the day.

     
  6. EMILY STAR on January 28, 2010 at 11:56 PM

    Amanda Jehle, it's been a while since I said I really love you. So many things about you--

    I like it that you recognize that this would have been predictable and that you wonder at that...not that it would have been bad. But I wonder at the next step for you. It sure is a good thing you didn't marry that man that broke your heart! You are gem-ish. But that paper cut getting doused in lemon juice! oh man. I hear you. Keep on lookin'. Love Em

     
  7. TaraB on January 29, 2010 at 12:16 AM

    sigh. This blog makes my heart heavy. But I am honestly not worried about this next chapter for you...because you, my friend, are a great story teller.

    I got your gmail chat message today....what does that mean? I'm curious. Let's talk this weekend.

     
  8. kessia reyne on January 29, 2010 at 1:02 AM

    What?! I hung out with you at improv for 3 hours tonight, completely oblivious to this entire thing. Sorry, amiga. Let's get some face time soon, eh?

     
  9. Brittany on January 31, 2010 at 5:39 PM

    hey amanda,
    sorry to hear about the job...have faced lots of disappointment like that too...anyways know that god will totally open up another door for you and will praying that lots of chocolate cake and good friends come your way over this next week

     
  10. Ben Schnell on February 3, 2010 at 10:20 PM

    How embarrassing, I read the other one that talks about you getting the job first. The suspense would have been way better the in the order you wrote them. But, I can pretend. Oh really! Oh no! I'm sorry, I know you would have done good at that job.

     


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