Well…I didn’t have to wait for long to find out. Right before I went to teach my morning class, I received a very nice email letting me know they had chosen someone else for the position. Someone who is much more qualified than me. I wasn’t that surprised; I’d known all along that the odds of this happening were pretty good. If I were in their position, I would have made the same decision. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed.
The emotional side of Amanda felt the same way I did when my heart got broken for the first time. Lunch was hard to swallow. The smiling cheerfulness of the people around me felt like lemon juice poured over a paper-cut. I spent the day counting down the minutes until my 7:30 pm class finally got over and I could retreat to my home, fill my tummy with comfort food (good thing I made that pie), and enter the blessed state called sleep, where pain and anxiety are temporarily numbed.
So what is the best option for my life now? I don’t know. And that’s terrifying to me, because I panic without a plan. There were many things that made Southern seem like a wonderful plan – a good job description, fabulous friends, co-workers could double as mentors, a pleasant climate, and a community I already belong to and love. It would have been a nice story, but…maybe a bit predictable. Maybe it would have been easy to turn it into a story with limited adventure and limited growth. And I guess I’m not sure exactly what I want, but I think I do want those things.
(But if quality friends, respectable co-workers, nice weather, and a healthy community just happen to be in that story too…I won’t complain.)
Characters don't really choose to move. They have to be forced. How do you force them? You blow something up.
Consider your plan blown up. Inciting incident?
Growth. Good. Faith building. Good. But can I just say that this is still stinks. Stinks bad. I'm praying for you. I miss you. And I love you.
You're in my thoughts. What a bummer-let's talk tonight?
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I don't waste my shower time thinking about possible future scenarios (still working on that) but I think it is really funny that you analyze the usage of your pondering for those few minutes of the day.
Amanda Jehle, it's been a while since I said I really love you. So many things about you--
I like it that you recognize that this would have been predictable and that you wonder at that...not that it would have been bad. But I wonder at the next step for you. It sure is a good thing you didn't marry that man that broke your heart! You are gem-ish. But that paper cut getting doused in lemon juice! oh man. I hear you. Keep on lookin'. Love Em
sigh. This blog makes my heart heavy. But I am honestly not worried about this next chapter for you...because you, my friend, are a great story teller.
I got your gmail chat message today....what does that mean? I'm curious. Let's talk this weekend.
What?! I hung out with you at improv for 3 hours tonight, completely oblivious to this entire thing. Sorry, amiga. Let's get some face time soon, eh?
hey amanda,
sorry to hear about the job...have faced lots of disappointment like that too...anyways know that god will totally open up another door for you and will praying that lots of chocolate cake and good friends come your way over this next week
How embarrassing, I read the other one that talks about you getting the job first. The suspense would have been way better the in the order you wrote them. But, I can pretend. Oh really! Oh no! I'm sorry, I know you would have done good at that job.