Mar
10
I’ve been literally writing the paper I should be working on right now for months. I hate it. I’ll do anything to avoid it. I was just now trying to avoid it by packing for my Spring Break trip to Southern. Usually packing for Tennessee is fun, but as my “study bag” started to get fuller than my “clothes bag," my heart started to get heavier.
As I was pulling books off my shelf to pack, an old To Do list fluttered to the floor. I’m a big list maker, because I love crossing things off. Sometimes I even add things I've already done to my lists just so I have more things to cross off.
You may be able to see that only one thing was crossed off this list. But I’m sure it all got done.I have a file saved on my desktop right now entitled “March Madness.” It outlines what I need to accomplish every day in the month of March. I thought breaking the big tasks up into daily bite-sized chunks would make me feel better, but no luck. Every time I look at it, I feel nothing but despair.
This old list reminded me of my last semester of undergrad. That semester I was trying to finish writing papers for my correspondence classes by an early April deadline. Writing them was sooo painful. And I felt guilty about being so undisciplined, about how I cannot make myself choose homework over sleep, even when I have to. And I felt stressed about getting everything done, but then I felt worried because I really should have been feeling even more stressed than I was, because I was on the verge of not graduating, for crying out loud.
Did someone push the repeat button on my life? If I want to graduate again, I have lions to slay before March goes out like a lamb. If I don’t finish these papers, if I don’t study hard for Comps, if I don’t do my regular homework, if I don’t send in all the Student Missionaries' paperwork, if I don’t find a place to live…
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
- Matthew 11:28-30
HARD THINGS, Amanda. HARD THINGS.
The struggle, the pain, the UGH. It's hard, but it's so good for us. This is making you better! And maybe it can even help overachievers like you and me lean on Jesus more, like we ought.
Good luck and grace to you, Amanda. You'll be on the other side of this soon.
I know this isn't really relevant or helpful advice, but I just feel really happy that I knew you back then. And I'm still here. We're still friends. I just really like that. I like remembering your past with you.
I remember that graduation stress you had too and I am glad we are still friends. Yeah, and whatever else Nick said. Copy and paste.
It's so refreshing to hear that grad school doesn't get any better than undergrad!! I'm so excited to advance to the next step in life. Being too busy to enjoy life is really my favorite thing. It sounds like you love to sleep less too! At least if you're coming to Southern, and if I see you here, studying, then maybe I'll get on to my research paper, too. But maybe not. Hang in there, compadre.
Soon this will be just a faint memory like summer camp or high school. God has a great work for you to do so I know that he will carry you through this, without making you sacrifice too much sleep. Remember you can't take your grades to heaven but you most certainly can take your frineds!
One of my old/wise teachers last semester had something that goes like this for devotional thought...
"Stay busy and do work during the day... too tired to worry at night" :)
Sometimes people tell me that I remind them of you. For the past year or more I've thought, "Hmmm, this Amanda person and I are similar, somehow, though I don't know her well enough to know how..." This blog confirms that we do, indeed, have some similarities. From lists, to procrastination, right down to being on the verge of not graduating. Have mercy. I feel your pain. No really, I do.
This is the most peaceful March I have had in the last, oh, 9 years maybe? :) I'm really sorry it's so stressful. I don't miss school at all, but I can (almost) promise you that life is better when it's all over! Nothing seems nearly so hard after you go through a month like what you're going through. Keep holding on to Jesus! Courage to you. P.S. I need to go to bed now too.
hang in there, before you know it, all of this stress will just be a memory like last time! so close to the finish line of education way to go! p.s how did house looking go?